Thursday, July 3, 2008

Anatomy of the crime.

Granted, this might be an old story. But I'm pretty sure I have a few very good leads. In fact, I may be able to name these people who took Adelaide from a utopia of pious conservatism to a cesspit of depraved drug debauchery. If any individuals could be held responsible, it must be this lady and gentleman who brought us their new brand of sin and salaciousness. But who were they, what illicit material did they bring and of what quantities? 75 years later, these are still vital questions.

I have been in regular contact with The Advertiser about whether they are still investigating this incident and if they are working on any fresh leads. At this stage, they can't 'officially' confirm or deny unchecked material, but my inside sources tell me that they have absolutely no idea about the identity of these modern(ish) day, Adam & Eve who brought our Eden into disrepute.

Adelaide was meant to be a Utopia. Colonel Light designed the city that way. Victoria Square - smack bang in the middle of the CBD square mile - was meant to be its commercial and cultural centre, however, traders and suppliers were too lazy to go the extra four hundred feet and so Rundle Street became the false centre of Adelaide. Could it be that our rejection of this true heart of the city and the focus on this figurative 'top end', has also become a symbol of our own individual 'loss of heart'? Does Adelaide lack heart? Are we too cerebral? Or just paranoid and insecure? (Which are still cerebral functions) As we breath new life into Victoria Square, as it makes its current transition into a more vital part of the city, will that also change our attitude? But I digress. These original sinners should be lined up and . . . Is this woman still in custody? If so, she should be made to tell us the truth. God damn, we deserve it! Where did Adelaide go wrong? Was it reneging on the canal that was meant to go down the middle of Port Road from the docks to Victoria Square, or the destruction of the Swimming Centre next to Parliament House to build the Festival Theatre, was it the fact that our delivery men were just too slack to take the goods to where they were bloody well meant to go or was it these two reprobates from Melbourne?

Well, obviously it was these two scum bags from over East. So, with my investigations coming to a close, I can tell you these two were none other than . . .

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